Nana and Shina's talk show!
by Cybil Kitty
Summary: My own characters Nana and Shina, host their own talk show, interviewing the cast of TMM, written in script form because its mainly speach
1. Chapter 1

**(Nana and Shina sit on a sofa on a stage of a studio, full of fangirls)**

**SHINA-** Hiya! Welcome to our own show! We're going to talk to the cast of Tokyo mew mew, I am Shinaruko, please call me Shina, and this is my older twin sister and best friend Naanimea! Right onee-chan? **(Turns to Nana)**

**NANA**- Call me Naanimea, and I'll stab your eyes till you bleed…

**SHINA**- Umm okay… anyway, we'll be taking care of you while you read this fanfic

**NANA**- …Where's the beer? **(Looks around)**

**SHINA**- Onee-chan! You can't drink here!

**NANA**- WHAT?!?!

**SHINA**- So lets begin! Our first guest is well loved, stalked every time he goes out by his army of fan girls, please welcome Kish!

**(Kish walks in and sits down next to Nana and Shina smirking) **

**FAN GIRLS**- WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE KISH I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**NANA**- Shut it! I will hurt you! **(Holds up a shotgun)**

**SHINA**- Yes, we couldn't afford real security so onee-chan will do it.

**NANA**- We don't need bodyguards! I'll kill anyone who pisses me off! (**Waves shotgun around wildly)**

**SHINA**- Onee-chan please don't hurt them, so Kishie-chan, can you tell us something about yourself?

**KISH**- Well as everybody knows I love my kitten Ichigo! Is she here?!

**NANA**- She's in the cage in the back with everyone else

**FAN GIRL**- PLEASE MAKE LOVE TO ME KISH!!! **(Runs up onto the stage)**

**NANA**- DIE!!! **(shoots her with gun, blowing off her head) **Someone clean this up!, there's blood on the floor! So Kish how do you feel about Pai?

**KISH**- What? Pai is my brother!

**SHINA**- well Kishie-chan, its just that there a few adorable fanfics that pair you with Pai-kun

**KISH**- where are these fanfics? By the way, isn't Pai your boyfriend?

**SHINA**- Well… Myself and Pai-kun… we have been going out for a while…

**NANA**- I saw them making out in Pai's room, I even have photos…

**SHINA**- ONEE-CHAN!!!!!!!

**NANA**- So anyway Kish, here's a fanfic with you and Pai **(Shows Kish her laptop)**

**KISH**- Ewwww gross!!! I'm touching him in bad places! I'm even sucking his-

**SHINA**- Kishie-chan! Please, children might be reading this!

**NANA**- Now what about these nice fanfics with you and Ichigo?

**KISH**- Now those I like! I would love to touch me kitten! I saw her naked once!

**NANA**- Yes we know Kish, you showed everyone the video you recorded of Ichigo taking a shower… The flashbacks never stop… **(Shudders)**

**SHINA**- Onee-chan how could you watch Pai and me!

**NANA**- Why are you still going on about that?

**KISH**- I HAVE CHOCOLATE!!!!!!! **(Waves a bar of chocolate around)**

**NANA**- Where did that come from?! And is there any beer there too!?!

**KISH**- That fan girl gave it to me!!!! **(Points at fan girl in crowd)**

**SHINA**- So anyway Kishie-chan, what do you think of Aoyama? And I don't mean boyfriend, nobody wants to see Kish and Aoyama

**KISH**- I hate that bastard! He stole my kitten away from me!!! I should rip his eyes out then make him eat them!

**NANA**- Ooh great plan! Can I help!? I wanna kill him too! **(Waves shotgun around again)**

**KISH**- Umm okay, but do you like killing or something?

**NANA**- Didn't you see what I did to the fan girl? Didn't you read the fanfic I'm in? YES I DO KILL A LOT!!!

**SHINA**- We cheat, murder, interfere…

**NANA**- And trample down and kick strangers!

**NANA- SHINA**- AND THEN WE GET THE HELL OUTTA THERE!!!!!!

**KISH**- ….. Okay… Anyway back to me…

**NANA**- So Kish, in the anime of Tokyo mew mew **cough**mangabetter**cough **excuse me, you seem to go totally nuts, what are your thoughts on that?

**KISH**- Well, after being sliced across my smooth and sexy chest, almost dieing, SAVING ICHIGO WHO STILL HATED ME!!!! And dropped me on the hard ground after I just saved her and all the mews, then being abandoned by my friends, I decided that my life was ruined because of her, so if I couldn't have her, there would be no point in living…

**SHINA**- That is soooo sad Kishie-chan! **(cries)**

**NANA**- I agree with you Kish

**KISH**- On what?

**NANA**- I agree with you on the fact that your chest is smooth and sexy… nice ass by the way…

**SHINA**- Onee-chan! You cannot flirt with Kishie-chan here!

**NANA**- Whatever…

**SHINA**- So Kish, if Ichigo, dumped nasty Aoyama and said she loved you, would you of not gone crazy? And tried to kill her?

**KISH**- Of course! I love my kitten! I only ever threatened her because she never even gave me a chance!

**SHINA**- Poor Kishie-chan wanna hug?

**KISH**- hmmmm sure!

**NANA**- Pervert! **(Slaps Kish)** stop trying to touch her breasts again!

**KISH**- I wasn't going to do anything! … This time…

**NANA**- Sure, whatever, Do you think you and Mint could be possible? That would be sort of cute, and then everyone would have someone!

**KISH**- Hmmm, the little birdie is cute, and she does like to play hard to get! So she would defiantly be my second choice, but my heart will always belong to my kitten.

**SHINA**- That is sooooooooo cute**!!!! (Grabs Kish and pulls him into a bone crushing hug)** I wanna take him home and hug him all day! Teeheehee!!!!!!!!

**NANA**- God, she brings someone home everyday, she thinks everything is cute… Her room is filled with random people she kidnapped… By the way… They'll probably want to be let out soon… So anyway hmmm, done Ichigo, Pai, Aoyama and Mint **(checks a list)** hmmm… So if Ichigo did love you, would you be all caring and kind like some of these fanfics, or would you be all possessive?

**KISH**- I don't try to act so possessive, its just that when I see my kitten with other boys I get jealous… I can't help it if I love my kitten so much.

**NANA**- I see, if you and Ichigo were in love, would you pressurise her to go further in the relationship? Like maybe sex?

**KISH**- I would like to, but I wouldn't do anything my kitten was scared or unsure about, I would wait until she was ready

**SHINA**- Good boy Kishie-chan! It's always nice to see young men so loving and respectful of their partners!

**NANA**- So that's all we have for today! See ya Kish!

**(Kish leaves)**

**SHINA**- Bye, bye Kishie-chan! **(waves)** Awww, it looks like its already time for us to part! If you like you can send in reviews to ask for your favourite character next, what you would like to ask them, or even just to talk to onee-chan and me! Oh! Look there's a letter here! Its for you onee-chan! **(hands letter to Nana)**

**NANA**- Dear Nana, when are you going to give back the butcher's knife I gave you? From Cybil kitty…

**SHINA**- Oh, I think Cybil-chan is angry at you onee-chan…

**NANA**- well I can't really get the knife back because its in a guys skull… I kinda stabbed him…

**SHINA**-… Ok! So please review! Or Cybil-chan will be mad at us! Bye bye!


	2. Chapter 2

**SHINA-** Welcome back! Teeheehee!!! I missed you al so much!

**NANA-** **(Walks into the studio unsteadily)** Hehehehe, I got pissed!

**SHINA-** Onee-chan! You found the beer I hid?!?

**NANA-** Found it, stole it, drunk it… and it tasted mighty good!

**SHINA-** Oh no no no… this isn't good… onee-chan why do you get drunk… I thought being sober had the same effect on you and drinking would help… you have to drink to remain sober…

**NANA-** I went to my doctor right? And the bugger went on about something like that I need small amounts of beer everyday but if I have too much… I become the king of Spain… Yaaaaaaayyy…

**SHINA-** … Ok…

**NANA-** heh, lookie the bugger gave me a questionnaire… I gotta do it… First name- Nana. Last name… Shina what's our last name?

**SHINA-** We don't have one onee-chan…

**NANA-** …I'll just write piss off… uhhhh, age… fifteen… kinda… Any sign of insanity in the family…? **(Looks to Shina and back to sheet)** I'll cross out the 'in'… uhhh… Any sign of sanity in the family? None whatsoever…

**SHINA-** Onee-chan… Mother was sane…

**NANA-** Yeah Deep blue… he kinda went insane right? Damn that brother of yours…

**SHINA-** Onee-chan he's your brother too!

**NANA-** But can this be proven?

**SHINA-**… I can't do this…. Uh! The show! Anyway lets read our letters! Ok this first one is from 'Ice The Angel Tiger Mew Mew' Oh! I remember you favourited and reviewed our story, love ya teeheehee!

**NANA-** The never-ending story… I was once an angel tiger you know… cause the whole tiger-girl thing…

**SHINA-** Onee-chan you're a demon so don't lie about being an angel, and Cybil-chan promised she would rewrite that story when she finshed all the others… But back to the questions! KISHIE-CHAN!!!!!!!!!

**(Kish walks back in)** Yeah?

**SIHNA-** Ice The Angel Tiger Mew Mew wants to know, what would you do if Masaya would finally die?

**KISH-** Well in a perfect world, the bastard would of never existed in the first place, but sadly such a world does not exist, so if he did die, I would go comfort my kitten who would be upset and then hopefully she would see that I'm not a bad guy and love me!

**(Kish leaves)**

**SHINA-** Aw, that would be wonderful

**NANA-** Lets go kill the bugger!!!!!!

**SHINA-** There's more questions, onee-chan, who would you kill first, Masaya or Pai?

**NANA-** … That would be like asking which would I rather do, rip off all my own skin and roll around in salt or go drink beer and go do something fun, It's obvious which I'd pick, but I might possibly kill Pai, and then later frame Kish for it if he was getting in my way of world domination… so yeah, I'd kill Masaya first…

**SHINA-** Oh, I have the same question, well it would defiantly have to be Masaya, he really doesn't have any character, or personality… and Pai-kun has that whole super smart thing working…

**NANA- (looks back at the questionnaire)** Cause of parent's deaths, if dead…. Got in my way

**SHINA-** Onee-chan you know that's not true!

**NANA-** Of course I know that, but others don't…

**SHINA-** Mother was murdered by her sister!

**NANA-** Are you sure that wasn't me in diguse?

**SHINA-** Yes! It happened when we were four years old! How could it of been you?!

**NANA-** I am a mistress of diguse! Because in fact I am the president of New Mexico!

**SHINA-** Onee-chan… are you feeling alright?

**NANA-** Ok, ok, I'll tell you the truth, Shina, I am not the woman for you, in fact I am not a woman at all, I'm one of the lobster people of planet Pluto…

**SHINA-** Onee-chan… how many have you had?

**NANA-** well it depends completely on what things of how many of said things I have had, if you were asking how many boyfriends I have had, that would be two hundred of the lobster men

**SHINA-**… Ok… Lets welcome our second guest! Since she was requested and she is the second mew mew after all! Please welcome Mint!

**(Mint walks in)**

**SHINA-** Sorry for the delay Mint-chan, onee-chan isn't feeling too well…

**MINT-** Yeah it's ok, but I have to be at a hair appointment in an hour

**NANA-** Are you gay!?

**SHINA-** Hush you, Mint-chan, are you a lesbian? Sorry but everyone just wants to know

**MINT-** No problem I'm asked this all the time, no I am not, Zakuro-onee-chan is my idol and I look up to her as my sister

**NANA-** I see… well do you like me?

**MINT-** What?

**NANA-** You know as a friend, am I your friend?

**MINT-** Your ok I guess… Shina's better

**SHINA-** Mint-chan please do not say that, onee-chan will hurt you

**NANA-** Why won't you hurt anyone?! Its fun! Right Mint?!

**MINT-** Hurting people can be fun, I personally like to annoy Ichigo

**NANA-**… What do you think of Kish?

**MINT-** He's ok too…

**SHINA-** Is that it? Could you tell us a little more?

**MINT-**……

**NANA-** Tell us or I will do something like attack you with an axe… or get my friend Lizard to attack you…

**SHINA-** onee-chan, don't bring Lizard here… he'll probably try to rape some of the mews and then kill a lot of people and eat a few…

**NANA-** I'll do what I want! If I want Lizard here he'll come here!

**SHINA-** Or he might hurt you…

**MINT-** Can we get back to me?

**NANA-** Oh yeah, do you think Kish is hot?

**MINT-** Of course he's hot, but that doesn't mean I like him

**SHINA-** Ok, if you were forced to date either Kish or Ryou, who would you choose?

**MINT**- Kish, like I said, he's hot…

**SHINA-**… Alright, Mint-chan what would happen if we took tea away from you?

**MINT-** W-well its not like I need my tea! I just like it! IT'S SO GOOD! I MUST HAVE MY TEA!!!

**SHINA-** It's the same story with onee-chan and beer… by the way Mint-chan is your adorable dog here? Its sooooooooooooooooooooooo cute!

**MINT-** No way! The last time you saw Mickey you tried stealing her!

**SHINA-** … I wasn't going to steal her Mint-chan… I was just going to take her home because she's so cute…

**MINT-** what's the difference?!

**SHINA-**… Hey your not the one asking questions here! We are!

**NANA-** Ok, that's all, sorry Mint but we can't think of anymore questions… Lizard might have a few though…

**SHINA-** NO!

**NANA-** Screw you…

**SHINA-** Onee-chan! … Ok bye bye Mint-chan!

**(Mint leaves)**

**SHINA-** Ok its time to end for today, but don't forget to send in reviews! Oh! By the way, onee-chan's friend Lizard is from The hills have eyes! He's not very nice… Bye bye!


	3. Chapter 3

**(Nana and Shina sit on couch with Lizard sitting really close to Shina, Goggle couched on the floor and Pluto asleep next to him)**

**NANA**- Hi again! I got my friends here!

**LIZARD**- **(leering at Shina)**

**SHINA**- **(shuffles slighty away)** ummm, onee-chan… why is he staring at me like that?

**NANA**- Oh I don't know, he does that

**SHINA**- Why did you have to bring them? Why not Ruby-chan?

**NANA**- Ruby refused, and these guys are fun!

**SHINA**- **(looks back at Lizard)** …They scare me…

**NANA**- They're well trained, watch this, Hey Pluto! It's breakfast time!!!

**PLUTO**- RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **(Jumps up and starts waving an axe around)**

**SHINA**- ONEE-CHAN!!!!!!

**NANA**- Oh fine! Pluto its bedtime!

**PLUTO**- **(falls to the floor asleep)**

**NANA**- See there's nothing to be scared about!

**SHINA**- I don't like them… and why is Goggle gnawing on my leg? **(Looks down to where Goggle is chewing her leg)**

**NANA**- I dunno… uh Goggle?

**GOGGLE**- …… **(growls)** …….

**NANA**- Hello?

**GOGGLE**-…… She taste good……

**SHINA**- **(pulls her legs up onto the couch)** I'm scared…

**NANA**- … So anyway lets welcome our next guest, Lettuce!

**(Lettuce walks in and sits next to Shina)**

**SHINA**- **(hugs Lettuce)** Please save me Lettuce-chan…

**LETTUCE**- **(looks at Nana, Lizard, Pluto and Goggle)** … Uh Good evening and thank you for having me on your show

**SHINA**- You shouldn't be thankful for being here… please save me… and Lizard is still staring at me!

**LIZARD**- Wha? She's sexy

**SHINA**- I'm serious! Don't touch me!

**LIZARD**- Bitch…

**NANA**- Shut it! So Lettuce, who do you like more? Ryou or Pai?

**LETTUCE**- Are those men mutant cannibals?

**NANA**- Yes, and I'm a demon and you're a fish, who cares?

**SHINA**- Onee-chan a finless porpoise is a mammal like dolphins

**NANA**- Dolphins aren't fish? **(looks confused)**

**SHINA**- No, they are not fish, so Lettuce going back to the question

**LETTUCE**- Umm… Shirogane-san I think…

**NANA**- Hmph, I hate Ryou, can't see why you like him…

**SHINA**- Hush onee-chan, well I'm glad that you love Ryou-chan, you two would make a very cute couple

**NANA**- More like you just want Pai for yourself!

**SHINA**-… Well I do wuv my Pai-kun! Heehee!

**LIZARD**- You like me? **(Looks hopeful)**

**SHINA**- Uhh, sorry but you scare me…

**LIZARD**- Sex time? **(Looks hopeful)**

**SHINA**- No! Onee-chan help!

**LIZARD**- **(shuffles to Shina and pushed her onto the floor)**

**SHINA**- ONEE-CHAN! HE'S TRYING TO RAPE ME!!!!!!

**NANA**- Well great for you…

**LIAZRD**- **(Gets on top of Shina and starts pulling her skirt down)**

**SHINA**- SOMEONE PLEASE SAVE ME!!!!!

**LETTUCE**- Shouldn't we help her?

**NANA**- Guess so…

**LIZARD**- **(taking off his pants)**

**SHINA**- ONEE-CHAN!!! **(crying)**

**NANA**- Ok! Ok! You don't have to shout! **(Stands up, walks over to them and whacks Lizard on the head)** Look! If you have to rape someone rape Lettuce!

**LETTUCE**- WHAT?!

**LIZARD**- **(Looks at Lettuce)** Ok!

**NANA**- Just not in here please…

**LIZARD**- **(Grabs Lettuce and drags her off behind stage)**

**NANA**- This could take a while…. So Goggle? Can I have your hat?

**GOGGLE**-… **(growls)** No…

**SHINA**- It is a cute hat though….

**NANA**- Oh no… Here we go….

**SHINA**-… IT'S SOOOOOOOOOO CUTE!!! I WANNA TAKE HIM HOME!!!!!! **(Jumps up and grabs Goggle and starts running off carrying him above her head)**

**NANA**- HEY YOU CAN'T TAKE HIM HOME!!!!!! BRING GOGGLE BACK RIGHT NOW!!!!!!

**PLUTO**- Fun…

**NANA**- Its not when everyday when you go home you find a house full of random people she's captured… And I wonder what would happen if we left Goggle with them… he might eat them…

**PLUTO**- Yum…

**LIZARD**- **(Comes back out dragging Lettuce behind him)** That was great! Huh? Where sexy woman an' Goggle?

**NANA**- Probably half way home by now… **(Sweat drops)**

**LETTUCE**- **(Sits next to Nana shaking)** Nana I want to go now…

**NANA**- Ok just a few more questions, then we'll check any letters, aright?

**LETTUCE**- Ok…

**NANA**- So, in the start of Tokyo Mew mew, you hanged out with those mean bitches, why?

**LETTUCE**- I hoped I would be able to change them…

**NANA**- Well that worked, didn't it? So who's you best friend?

**LETTUCE**- I can't chose because I love them all

**NANA**- Ok, cute, cute … Do you think Kish is hot?

**LETTUCE**- Kish is a little too excitable for me, but he is cute

**NANA**- Ok now lets check any mail! This one is from MewCuxie12- '**Nana, could you kill Lettuce for me? I don't know why. I just don't like her. SCREW YOU, LETTUCE!!**' … Ok, sorry Lettuce, gotta please the fans and all!

**LETTUCE**- WHAT?!?!

**NANA**- **(Stabs Lettuce with a sword, she falls to the ground in a bloody mess)** Lovely, Here Pluto you can eat this

**PLUTO**- Yum! **(Starts eating Lettuce's body)**

**NANA**- I wonder if Shina is going to come back… Anyway this is the end for another chapter! And we're going to see Ichigo next time! Bye bye!


	4. Chapter 4

**NANA**- Hello! Once again its time for our little show! And I did get Shina back, I found her at home trying to dress poor Goggle in a baby outfit…

**SHINA**- But he looked soooooooo adorably cute! With the little baby bonnet and everything!

**NANA**- Lets review, The hills have eyes is a slasher movie, Goggle isn't meant to be cute, he hasn't got a nose for one thing and kills people, he killed the cute doggie, remember?

**SHINA**- Yeah, but that wasn't a scary movie at all, and the mutants were adorably cute! Especially Goggle-chan, he looked so scared when he was being killed **(cries)**

**NANA**- … Who doesn't look scared when they're being killed?

**SHINA**- Pai-kun

**NANA**- … This is true, but Pai is unfeeling and mean

**SHINA**- Onee-chan! Meanie! **(slaps Nana)**

**NANA**- What the?!

**SHINA**- Opps! I'm soooo sorry onee-chan!

**NANA**- **(Glares)**

**SHINA**- ummm, lets check any mail ok? This one is from MewCuxie12 –'**Do the show yourself, Nana. It's more fun since you're so much more violent.**'

**NANA**- …. Ok when I agreed to do this show, or rather when Cybil kitty threatened to destroy me, which she can actually do because she created me, I promised I would do anything fans asked for, but I won't do that. I'm sorry if your upset but if you are I guess you can just go blow your head off. Shina and me are a team, always have been and always will be… Why do I get the feeling this is like a crappy children's show were in the end the characters learn an important life lesson in love or friendship or some other shit? That speech felt like charity work or something… I deserve payment!

**SHINA**- I love you so much onee-chan

**NANA**- Yeah, I love you too, you know in our free time-

**SHINA**- When Cybil-chan isn't bossing us around

**NANA**- yeah… anyway we read lots of Tokyo mew mew fanfics, and I hate those annoying Mary sue new mews, that just appear from nowhere and take the lead as main mew, I believe I'm the best Tokyo mew mew OC in the world, so I decided to write a song about it, so shut up and listen you assholes

**You may see other OC**

**I am the greatest OC of all**

**They all clutter up fan fiction**

**I am the greatest OC of all**

**Believe in my words**

**I am the greatest OC of all**

**Kill all other OC**

**I am the greatest OC of all**

**They're twelve steps lower than I'll ever be**

**What makes them worth the paces?**

**They can try**

**To be better than me**

**Good luck**

**They'll need it now hmmmm, mmmmmmmmm, mmmmmmm**

**Hmmmmmm, mmmmmmm, mmmmm, mmmm**

**I am Nana**

**SHINA**- That was fun onee-chan!

**NANA**- Yeah whatever, hmmmm

**SHINA**- what's wrong?

**NANA**- Weren't we supposed to be doing something right now?

**SHINA**- interviewing Ichigo

**NANA**- oh yeah

**SHINA**- But she can wait, I don't like her much anyway

**NANA**- Well she's defiantly not on my fave list

**SHINA**- who is?

**NANA**- hmmmm **(gets out a list)** Neo from The matrix, me of course, Foamy the squirrel, The gremlins, Satin, and Santa

**SHINA**- Santa?

**NANA**- yeah I like him cause he's a fat bastard, works only one day a year and eats all the cookies he wants. He rewards the good and punishes the guity!

**SHINA**- Oh I would of thought you didn't like him because you like bad things not good

**NANA**- Good or evil, they're both fine choices, whatever floats your boat

**SHINA**- Oh, ok now we really have to do the show onee-chan, So everyone please welcome Ichigo!

**(Ichigo comes in)**

**SHINA**- hello Ichigo-chan

**ICHIGO**- Hi!

**NANA**- Why the fuck don't you like Kish? he's freaking adorable!

**ICHIGO**- But Aoyama-kun is so much nicer!

**NANA**- … are you on crack?

**ICHIGO**- …

**NANA**- Oh my god!

**SHINA**- Seriously?! You do crack?!

**NANA**- Well I guess that explains everything…

**ICHIGO**- Aoyama-kun puts it into the cakes he gives me, he said if I didn't like him he wouldn't give me more cake crack

**NANA**- HA! I knew Aoyama was evil!

**SHINA**- … That was so unexpected…

**NANA**- Eh, random fanfics

**SHINA**- So umm, if onee-chan supplied you with crack would you like Kish

**ICHIGO**- Yes I guess I'd give him a chance… he is cute **(blushes)**

**NANA**- and all this time I though you were just a ditzy idiot… I'm sorry Ichigo

**ICHIGO**- Its ok, am sort of am anyways nya

**NANA**- The thing is, crack is expensive, so I will have to sell some of your stuff off online

**ICHIGO**- Stuff, what stuff?

**NANA**- Well since you're a well known character, not a great as me though, but still liked by many, I thought your underwear would sell for high prices!

**ICHIGO**- I need my underwear!

**NANA**- Come on I bet you have, like a cute strawberry patterned pair you don't need any more

**ICHIGO**- What kind of sicko would want to buy a pair of used panties anyway?

**NANA AND SHINA**- Kish

**ICHIGO**- Why am I not surprised…

**NANA**- Look the first pair of panties is already up to £10,000! **(Shows laptop)**

**ICHIGO**- What the?! why are you selling them right now?!

**NANA**- Well Cybil kitty doesn't pay me for doing this talk show thing and I need to get money for beer somehow, I've been selling your underwear for a while now actually

**SHINA**- Here stick this lollipop up your ass and we can pay our house rent!** (Holds up a strawberry flavoured lollipop)**

**NANA**- Great idea Shina!

**ICHIGO**- Who the hell would want that?!

**NANA AND SHINA**- Kish

**ICHIGO**- this is just sick!

**(Shina still holding up the lollipop)**

**ICHIGO**- I'm not going to stick that up my ass

**NANA**- Come on! Its for a good cause! Me! And crack!

**ICHIGO**- Hell no! you're both sick twisted psychos!

**(Nana and Shina look at each other)**

**NANA AND SHINA**- We know

**ICHIGO**- Can we just get back to some sane questions now?

**NANA**- Fine! But this lollipop will be in your ass by the end of the day!

**SHINA**- KISH PLEASE COME IN!

**(Kish walks in)**

**KISH**- Did you get her to do it yet?

**SHINA**- No she doesn't want it shoved up her ass

**ICHIGO**- That was your idea?!

**KISH**- Of course kitten…

**NANA**- uh, you Ichigo, what do you think of Ryou?

**KISH**- Why are you asking my kitten what she thinks of a guy she doesn't even like?!

**NANA**- We have to ask her these sorts of things I'll we're in a lot of trouble

**KISH**- Fine…

**SHINA**- well, Ichigo-chan?

**ICHIGO**- Everyone already knows I don't like Ryou because he makes me work in his stupid café

**NANA**- would you work there for crack? Without complaining?

**ICHIGO**- Maybe

**SHINA**- Well I'm afaid that's all we have time for today, next time we'll be talking to Pudding-chan, please review or Cybil-chan might try hurting us, bye bye!


	5. Chapter 5

**SHINA**- Hello everyone! We're sorry we haven't been here for a while, we've been having some technical difficulties

**NANA**- Because Cybil kitty was too lazy to do make us do anything

**SHINA**- Onee-chan! Um, Cybil-chan has been working very hard on her other fanfics.

**NANA**- Yeah, but if she wasn't stupid and started too many fanfics in the first place, we wouldn't have this problem…

**SHINA**- Yes, Cybil-chan is rather insecure and likes to have lots of reviews telling her that people do like her work

**NANA**- Do you know what I like to do the people like her? I make them go boom!

**SHINA**- Onee-chan, you can't blow anything up its wrong and we're still paying back for the houses you blew up last time

**NANA**- you know what, you always complain when I do crazy stuff, but Lizard called me the other day and said that Goggle now has a fear of you after you tried to dress him up

**SHINA**- Oh really?! I'm so sorry Goggle-chan! I love you!

**NANA**- What about Pai? I thought you loved him

**SHINA**- I do, I do, I love my Pai-kun

**NANA**- Anyways, lets move on with the show, its only going down hill, not that it was on a very high one to start with… so lets welcome Pudding and Taru-taru!

**(Pudding and Tart come in)**

**SHINA**- **(twitches)** why are you both in here at the same time

**NANA**- Cybil said it was so we could ask them about their relationship

**SHINA**- **(twitches again)** I can't stand their cuteness… i… w-wanna

**NANA**- If you don't want to be taken home I suggest you run…

**SHINA**- SOOOOO CUTE I WANNA TAKE THEM HOME!! **(runs at Pudding and Tart)**

**NANA**- NO! **(whacks Shina with a frying pan, she falls to the ground)**

**SHINA**- Ow! That hurt meanie!

**NANA**- **(stares at the frying pan in her hand and sighs)** damn, this is really getting shit in the old days I would of ran her over with a combine harvester, I'm just not allowed to have any fun these days…

**SHINA**- I agree onee-chan, any lower than this and we'll be working for 4kids…

**NANA**- when that happens that'll be the day I kill myself…

**SHINA**- Yes, I mean remember that time we watched Yu gi oh?

**NANA**- we were watching the Abridged series, it made fun out of Yu gi oh

**SHINA**- anyway, the grandpa was apparently injured playing a card game, but in the original version he was shot after playing the card game

**NANA**- what the hell was 4kids thinking? How the hell do you get injured playing a children's card game? You somehow manage to slit your wrist with the cards? Stab yourself in the heart with the card's sharp corner? What a load of crap

**SHINA**- shouldn't we be getting on with the show? I think our guests are waiting

**NANA**- didn't you notice by now all we ever do on this show is talk random crap? Besides they're happy **(points to Pudding and Tart who are eating candy)**

**SHINA**- um onee-chan I don't think we should let them eat so much sugar, they'll get hyper

**NANA**- alrighty lets get this over with fast, some of us has beer at the pub with our name on it

**SHINA**- you know there are two words that sum you up onee-chan, beer and violence

**NANA**- Hey I'm more complex than that! If you just watch my daily routine you'll see

**SHINA**- Onee-chan all you do is wake up in the morning, eat a pancake, go into a violence trance where all you think about is violence and killing people, come out of the trance about six o clock and go to the pub, that's you're routine"

**NANA**- what a wonderful life I have…

**SHINA**- So Pudding and Tart, how do you feel towards each other

**PUDDING**- Tar-tar is my best friend na no da!

**SHINA**- would you like to say anything more?

**PUDDING**- when we grow up I'm gonna marry Tar-tar and have tons of kids! See? **(Holds up a drawing of kids with alien ears and monkey tails)**

**SHINA**- … well you've obliviously spent a lot of time planning this out

**NANA**- way too much time if you ask me…

**TART**- **(staring in horror at the drawing)** Am I not marring you! I hate you!

**SHINA**- aw, but you two make such an adorable couple

**PUDDING**- don't be silly Tar-tar you're my best friend na no da! **(hugs Tart)**

**TART**- Get the hell offa me!

**SHINA**- Awwwww so cute!

**NANA**-… swiftly moving along, Tart, if you do not like Pudding as you claim, why did you save her after you captured her?

**TART**- … she escaped stupid…

**NANA**- oh no, you didn't kill her when you could of, apparently according to Cybil and Shina that's saving her, though I'd call it you were too scared to kill her

**TART**- that's a lie! I would never save her and I could kill her anytime!

**NANA**- do it now then

**TART**-… well I wouldn't do it now, I'm just saying back when we were enemies I would of done it, but she's kinda alright, plus she gives me candy

**SHINA**- Heehee, see you do like her

**PUDDING**- Tar-tar loves me?! yay! **(hugs Tart)**

**NANA**-… once again, moving along… hmm, so lets talk about your weapons

**TART**- what's wrong with them?

**NANA**- well its just in the anime, you use a click-clack toy as a weapon, now I'm pretty sure there's something seriously wrong with that, though you do get credit points for having a knife in the manga, and that you almost stabbed Lettuce in the face, good for you

**SHINA**- Pudding-chan your weapon is completely adorable

**NANA**- its also completely insane, you use jelly as a weapon? That sounds wrong too..

**SHINA**- I think it's cute

**NANA**- you thought Leather face in chainsaw massacre was cute

**SHINA**- sorry but in the original when he had a temper tantrum he spun around waving his chainsaw everywhere and it looked like he was dancing!

**NANA**- I know there's something seriously wrong with you, but I'm not sure what…

**PUDDING**- Maybe its cause you're both part demon na no da!

**NANA**- That could be it, though I don't go around calling insane deranged cannibals cute…

**SHINA**- No but you go drinking with them at the pub

**NANA**- this is also true, they're a fun bunch when they get drunk, though going back to the topic, it probably wouldn't be right if Pudding went around with a gun shooting everyone, though that would be fun to watch…

**TART**- you know the other day, Kish said that we should fight the mews on a boat

**NANA**- Why a boat?

**TART**- well he said when they loose we could push them off the boat

**NANA**- and what prey tell will that accomplish?

**TART**- they're battle outfits would be ruined, it would take them hours to dry them

**SHINA**- why not just push them off a boat? What's the point of having to fight them first

**TART**- Kish said that after when they're in the sea, he would pick up Ichigo and take her home with him…

**NANA**- that still doesn't answer the question but lets move on before I completely lose my sanity here…

**SHINA**-… anyway, in the manga just before you left, Tart, Pudding kissed you by giving you a candy drop, was that your first kiss and how did you feel afterwards?

**TART**- yeah it was, I don't really like other girls anyways, I felt kinda weird but good at the same time

**SHINA**- Ah how cute! You did enjoy it!

**NANA**- Pudding same question

**P****UDDING**- it was my first kiss as well na no da! And I felt so happy after!

**NANA**- ok, ok lets check our letters **(picks up a pile)** bill, bill, bill, bill, death note, bill. Oh MewCuxie12 says hi, yeah hi

**PUDDING**- hi na no da! I'm happy you said I was your favourite mew!

**NANA**- carrying on, a letter from Lizard, I'll check that letter, he probably wants me to give back his spikestrip I stole from him, hehe

**SHINA**- onee-chan you shouldn't steal from Lizard, he's your friend

**NANA**- I steal from everyone, even you

**SHINA**- onee-chan! I'm your sister!

**NANA**- that just makes you more gullible…

**SHINA**- anyway, this is all we have time for! Bye bye!


	6. Chapter 6

**SHINA**- Hello again! Once again its time for our show! **(turns to smile at Nana and stops)** eh, onee-chan?

**NANA**- yeah?

**SHINA**- Why you holding an adorable little bunny?

**NANA**- this for your information, is a evil killer rabbit, it's the most foul, cruel and bad tempered rodent you'll ever meet **(pets the bunny)**

**SHINA**- But look at its floppy ears! **(reaches out to pick it up)**

**NANA**- I don't think you wanna do that…

**SHINA**- Why?

**RABBIT**- Chomp **(bites down on Shina's hands)**

**NANA**-… That would be why

**SHINA**- …owwww! **(pulls hands away, blood gushing out)** its hurts! It really, really hurts!

**NANA**- Told ya…

**(Shina's hands magically heal)**

**SHINA**- I don't like that bunny… **(whimpers)**

**NANA**- your just lucky we're immortal and can heal

**SHINA**- Aw, but why doesn't it bite you?

**NANA**- It likes me… **(continues petting the bunny)**

**SHINA**- auau, … anyway lets welcome our next guest! It's the lovable Pai!

**(Pai comes in)**

**SHINA**- Yay! My Pai-kun is here** (Snuggles up to Pai)**

**NANA**- Well I can see this is going to be hell for me… stupid love crap

**SHINA**- But onee-chan what your Aki? Don't you love him?

**NANA**- Why do you always invade my personal life?

**SHINA**- Because I'm you little sister, and I'm cute

**NANA**- Yeah maybe, but I'm more fun, so to you I say, muha

**PAI**- **(hugging Shina)** I would like to get on with the interview if you don't mind

**NANA**- Alright Mr smart-ass, tell me, what is this? **(Holds up the rabbit)**

**PAI** - The small Earth mammal you are holding appears to be a rabbit, they are small mammals in the family Leporidae of the order Lagomorpha, found in several parts of the world. There are seven different genera in the family classified as rabbits, including the European rabbit _Oryctolagus cuniculus_, cottontail rabbit genus _Sylvilagus_; 13 species, and the Amami rabbit _Pentalagus furnessi_, endangered species on Amami Ōshima, Japan. There are many other species of rabbit, and these, along with cottontails, pikas, and hares, make up the order Lagomorpha. Rabbits generally live between four and twenty years.

**NANA**-…** (stares blankly**) … I have no idea what you just said, but do you have a dictionary instead of a brain in your head? ….

**SHINA**- See Pai-kun is super smart heehee

**NANA**- … … … **(Stares blankly)**

**SHINA**- Huh? Umm, onee-chan? **(pokes Nana)**

**NANA**- … … … **(stares blankly)**

**SHINA**- Pai-kun I think you killed her…

**PAI**- I do not think so, she has had the same reaction as Kish when you say something he could not understand

**SHINA**- Onee-chan?! Wake up! don't die please! **(hugs Nana)**

**NANA**- … … … **(still staring blankly)**

**SHINA**- I'll give you beer!

**NANA**- Beer?! You have beer and you didn't tell me?!

**SHINA**- Yes I have beer

**NANA**- hmm, heehehe, I see you knew Pai was coming today and you got alcohol so you could get him drunk and then you could take him home and then have some adult fun

**SHINA**- No onee-chan, I wasn't-

**NANA**- Yeah right, I know how your mind works, you act all sweet and innocent but when you go into a violent trance you go insane

**SHINA**- No I do not! That's what you do!

**NANA**- Said the girl who tortured and disembowelled a man when she was only four years old

**SHINA**- He was going to kill us…

**NANA**- Anyway, what were you going to do with Pai after you had gotten him drunk then, huh? Do what you did to poor little Goggle? And dress him in a baby outfit?

**SHINA**-… yes, Pai-kun would look so adorable! **(smiles happily)**

**PAI**- … … Why not try to dress Kish in a baby outfit, don't you think he would look cute too? **(smirks evilly)**

**SHINA**- Ooh! That does sound cute, but you would be so much cuter, I love you Pai-kun **(huggles Pai)**

**NANA**- lets try to get this over with before I feel the need to kill myself…

**SHINA**- Oh onee-chan the show isn't that bad

**NANA**- I would rather gnaw my own leg off than be here…

**SHINA**- … So Pai-kun, out of the mew mews, who did you like to most

**PAI**- Lettuce

**NANA**- Well that's too bad, cause we killed her

**SHINA**- Actually onee-chan we didn't you can't kill characters really…

**NANA**- That would explain why I was in the pub with Goggle and Lizard last night, they should be rotting corpses in a desert, because they both died

**SHINA**- Poor Goggle had his throat torn out!** (cries)**

**NANA**- You know just saying that sounds nasty, defiantly that's not how I want to go…

**SHINA**- How then?

**NANA**- I want my death to be quick and pointless… anyway, since Pai here is the oldest person we're going to talk too, since his age is normally guessed somewhere between 17-20, we can talk about some more grown up issues

**PAI**- Such as?

**NANA**- Sex

**SHINA**- onee-chan I don't think we should-

**NANA**- I still have those photos of you and Pai making out you know, so unless you want them being shown to the world, shut it. So Pai when you have sex with someone do you have the lights on or off?

**PAI**- Both…

**NANA**- Oh like me then, once one of my ex-boyfriends wanted to do it with the lights off, and you know when you have your cloths off and the light switch is all the way across the room, you can't be bothered to turn it off, so I just stabbed him in the eyes with a pencil, works just as well

**SHINA**- Didn't he care that you did that?

**NANA**- Its why we broke up

**SHINA**- Ohh, what about those cute little fanfics that pair you with Kish-chan?

**PAI**- I don't like them

**NANA**- I know I do!

**(Shina and Pai stares blankly at Nana)**

**NANA**- What?

**SHINA**- Why onee-chan?

**NANA**- You like them too…

**SHINA**- True, because they're so cute together…

**NANA**- It reminds me of a Hills have eyes fanfic I read where Lizard and Goggle had sex and Lizard had a baby, and every time I think of Pai and Kish doing that it makes me laugh

**SHINA**- Does that fanfics really exist?

**NANA**- yeah it does, though not on this website

**SHINA**- It would be cute to see what Kish and Pai's baby looks like…

**NANA**- Hey anybody out there thinking of doing a KishxPai fanfic like that, where one had a baby, please tell us, we'd love to read it!

**PAI**- Please do not write anything like that, I will hurt you…

**NANA**- oh yeah talking about hurting people, how could you kill poor Taru-taru in the anime?! You asshole! **(hits Pai with a hammer)**

**SHINA**- onee-chan! Don't hurt Pai-kun!

**NANA**- Hush you! I'll send Lizard over to your house and I know he wants to rape you!

**SHINA**- Eh?! Please don't onee-chan he scares me!

**PAI**- Don't you two live in the same house?

**NANA**- Yeah but he won't do anything to me

**SHINA**- Why not?

**NANA**- I put a shock collar on him, **(takes out a remote control and presses a button)**

**LIZARD**- AHHH HOLY SHIT!!

**SHINA**- He's here?! **(panics and looks around)**

**NANA**- Yup, and so I Goggle

**SHINA**- Huh? Goggle-chan is here? Hmm…

**NANA**- Hey Pai I think you have a new rival for Shina, hehe

**SHINA**- Oh no it isn't like that! I love Pai-kun! But I think Goggle-chan is very cute

**NANA**- When you first met him here a few weeks ago you were scared because he was trying to eat your leg…

**SHINA**- He's still cute…

**PAI**- Why is it that on this show you talk more about the hills have eyes than anything else?

**NANA**- We're fans of the movie duh, she thinks the mutants are adorably cute and I like the senseless killing… hey! I just realised you never answered my question and since this is a talk show you have to answer!

**PAI**- well there are two answers to that, one is that he was trying to stop Deep blue and the other is that the anime is crap, notice that I didn't kill him the original manga?

**NANA**- That is true, the anime was a complete sham… and that's a word I've never used before, sham, shamy shamity sham, sham

**PAI**- Are you quite finished?

**NANA**- No I like that word now, sham, sham

**SHINA**- But onee-chan if it wasn't for the anime Cybil-chan would of never started writing fanfics, and then we wouldn't of been created

**NANA**- true, so true… sham… anyway I think its about time we end this never ending nightmare for another day.

**SHINA**- Okies, we'll check our letters, thanks to Tomoyo Kinomoto, for all those nice reviews

**NANA**- I see you fear me, you are wise, but what makes you think I'll kill you? **(holding blood stained a knife)**

**SHINA**- Also Cybil-chan wants us to mention that she has a new fanfic, its about Ryou and his twin sister, its cute and has some humour in it so check it out ok?

**NANA**- Anyways we'll see Ryou next time, oh joy… bye bye


	7. Chapter 7

**NANA**- **(Petting Goggle)** Hi, once again its time for this fucked up show… whoo…

**SHINA**-Goggle, Goggle, Goggle is soooooooo cute! I wanna take him home!

**NANA**- You already did that, remember?

**SHINA**- But he's so cute! I just wanna hug him all day! **(Huggles Goggle)**

**GOGGLE**- Ehhhhh **(scoots away from Shina)**

**NANA**- … Carrying on, I just want to say that as everyone knows, or at least SHOULD know, I'm a huge fan of gory movies and I think I found a winner here **(Holds up a DVD box)** This is Suicide club, and it is completely awesome.

**SHINA**- I don't like it…

**NANA**- Whatever. Anyway, in the opening scene fifty-two high school girls gather at a train station in Tokyo and they all line up along the platform and hold hands, when the train comes along they all jump in front of it and blood goes everywhere!

SHINA- All those cute girls, its so sad they all died in such a horrible way…

**NANA**- Anyway, sorry about the gory hyper-ness there, heh I love a good gory film.

**SHINA**- Onee-chan its time for the show

**NANA**- Ok **(holds up a sign that says 'ON STRIKE, NANA DEMANDS BETTER SCRIPTS)**

**SHINA**- What are you doing now…?

**NANA**- Well as promised Cybil has started working on rewriting our original story, but in that she always makes me all sad and nice…

**SHINA**- But you were meant to be like that, you did have a lot of bad things happen to you…

**NANA**- I personally think I sound too much like Yuna and I should in NO way be like that bitch…

**SHINA- (turns to audence)** Yuna was a character that was later replaced by onee-chan and then I was based on her…

**NANA**- That was before you were developed to love cute things, right? Actually if you read our old story you'll noticed that towards the later chapters Shina starts liking cute things. Here's a quote from the first time Shina was madly in love with cute things.

_"Lets take him to the hole!" Shina cried, she was a LOT stronger than she looks, and lighter unlike Ichigo she easily picked Deep blue up and carried him, the others just looked on in amusement._

_"Shinaruko! What are you doing?! Put me down bitch!!"_

_"Awwww!! Scared Onii-chan is sooooooo cute! Must take him home!!" Shina wailed squeezing all the air out of him with a bear hug._

**NANA**- How sad…

**SHINA**- Teeheehee…

**NANA**- And another reason why I should go on strike is because I mentioned before that Cybil has too many fanfics, and then she deleted the ones she had no idea what to do with and then the bitch has gone and made more

**SHINA**- That is true…

**NANA**- And I'm also annoyed by the fact that Chie, who was a minor character in our originally story got herself into 'I love my nii-nii Kishu' I mean, Come on! I didn't even get the slightest mention in that and she ends up being a main character?! That's not fair!

**SHINA**- I didn't get in either if it makes you feel any better onee-chan…

**NANA**- Well whatever, if I can't get into that story I demand an appearance in the sequel that will probably never come out, because our stupid creator has too many other stories to do

**SHINA**- hmm, that would be fun, if we could work together in that…

**(Nana glances at Shina)**

**NANA**- Hmm, maybe if I drop Shina I can get better work myself…

**SHINA**- Onee-chan!

**NANA**- Ok! Ok! I wouldn't do that… just yet…

**SHINA**- Au au, don't do that, it would be like what Souseiseki did to her twin sister Suiseiseki in Rozen Maiden…

**NANA**- What are you saying that I'm trying to kill you?

**SHINA**- And Shion tried to kill her twin Mion in Higurashi no naku koro ni

**NANA**- Ok, ok

**SHINA**- And Sae wanted to kill Yae in Fatal Frame crimson butterfly

**NANA**- Alright I get it! There are lots of twins that want to kill each other…

**SHINA**- So never leave me alone ok?!

**NANA**- Ok, ok. Wow, you're such a cry-baby…

**SHINA**- Anyway, lets get on with the show

**NANA**- The show I had nothing to do with coming up with the name for

**SHINA**- Onee-chan?

**NANA**- Seriously, why not call it the Incredible Edible Show? Sounds more fun and tasty

**SHINA**- Onee-chan anymore of this and you're going to get us fired

**NANA**- Ha! Like that sad little girl Cybil would ever dream of firing me!

**CYBIL**- **(Appears from nowhere**) If you keep talking about me like this I'll replace you with Anju, she could get more viewers

**SHINA**- That could be true, Anju-chan is adorably cute…

**NANA**-… I'll be good

**(Cybil disappears)**

**SHINA**- I wonder where Ryou-chan is…

**NANA**- He's probably at home masturbating

**SHINA**-… … … I don't think I'll reply to that

**NANA**- Actually a little masturbation sounds good about now, right Goggle?

**GOGGLE**- **(nods happily)**

**NANA**- Right after this show tonight, I'm gathering up Kish, Lizard and Zakuro and we're having an orgy

**SHINA**- Can I bring Pai-kun?

**NANA**- Yup

**SHINA**- Yay, anyways, lets welcome Ryou-chan!

**(Ryou comes in)**

**NANA**- Hey blondie guess what, we're gonna have a orgy and you're not invited

**RYOU**- Damn!

**NANA**- Heh

**SHINA**- Hello Ryou-chan

**RYOU**- Hi

**NANA**- … I just noticed that orgy and gory have the same letters in them…

**SHINA**- Oh yeah, never noticed that before

**NANA**- and did you know that if you break down the word psychotherapist it becomes 'psycho the rapist'?

**SHINA**- That's kinda scary actually…

**NANA**- Anyway, moving along Blondie why did you want to start the mew project?

**RYOU**- That's simple, the aliens killed my parents

**SHINA**- Ah, that's so sad, I feel very sorry for you Ryou-chan

**NANA**- Whatever, hey did you design the mew mew battle outfits?

**RYOU**- Yeah

**NANA**- I see you're a pervert then, huh?

**RYOU**- what the?! No I'm not!

**NANA**- Then why is Lettuce basically wearing a swimming costume?

**RYOU**- Errrr, it helps in battle with… um, well of course tight fitting clothing lets her move easier when fighting…

**SHINA**- What about Ichigo's dress? Its bright which makes it easy to see from miles away so she can't sneak up on anyone and the skirt is very puffy, it could be hazardous in battle if it got caught on something

**NANA**- Yeah Blondie she's got a point there, come on, bright sickly pink? I bet you could see that from thousands and thousands of miles away in space.

* * *

**(Nana and Shina randomly floating around out in space looking down at the Earth)**

**NANA**- Hey I can see my house from here

**SHINA**- oh look onee-chan! There's the great pyramids of Egypt!

**NANA**- Hey look there's Ichigo! Wow that dress really is bright…

**SHINA**- HI ICHIGO-CHAN!

**ICHIGO**- HI!

* * *

**NANA**- … Would you like to explain yourself?

**RYOU**- Nope…

**SHINA**- hmm, Ryou-chan why is the mew's secret base a bright pink café that looks like a castle and is named 'Café Mew Mew?' isn't that a little bit of a give away?

**NANA**- yeah, Blondie you have a yacht, why not have the base on that and then you could sail around the sea looking for Mew aqau

**SHINA**- That does sound fun to have a transportable base

**NANA**- It would certainly stop the aliens attacking it, just sail away whenever they come for you

**RYOU**- But I like watching all the pretty girls that come into the café…

**NANA**- Yup I was right, he's a pervert…

**SHINA**-… So Ryou-chan who do you like more? Ichigo or Lettuce?

**RYOU**- I have to say Lettuce really

**NANA**-… You know Ryou that kid in Galaxy Angel really looks like you…

**RYOU**- What?

**NANA**- Yeah there's a kid who looks like you and basically wears the same sort of clothing, the only big difference is that he has purple hair

**SHINA**- Oh this is interesting, this sounds like Ryou and Pai had a child together

**(Nana and Ryou blankly stare at Shina)**

**NANA**- … That could be it actually, Ryou are you in a gay relationship with Pai?

**SHINA**- Huh?! you stole my Pai-kun?!

**RYOU**- What?! No! I don't love Pai!

**NANA**- But you two do have similarities, you're both geniuses…

**RYOU**- That doesn't mean anything!

**SHINA**- HOW DARE YOU STEAL MY PRECIOUS PAI-KUN FROM ME!! **(Makes a meat cleaver appear)**

**NANA**- Wow you've pissed her off big time Blondie…

**SHINA**- FOR TAKING MY PAI-KUN FROM ME I'LL KILL YOU!!** (runs at Ryou)**

**RYOU**- HOLY SHIT! **(runs away shortly followed by Shina)**

**NANA**-… Well Shina certainly is the jealous type isn't she? **(turns to Goggle)**

**GOGGLE**- Yup **(nods)**

**NANA**- … … …** (checks watch)** Well now what?

**GOGGLE**- Orgy?

**NANA**- Great idea! Lets go get Lizard, Kish and Zakuro! **(walks off with Goggle)**


	8. Save The Abused Trees add

**NANA**- Attention everyone, I have disturbing news about Aoyama. In the summer of 2000 Aoyama posed for pornographic photos, these pictures were tasteless, disgusting and in most of them he's posing with trees. The following scenes may scare young children and be hazardous to pregnant women, so look away now.

**(Shina holds up two photos)**

**NANA**- **(Points to one)** As we can see in this one, Aoyama appears to be naked and humping a redwood tree, the tree later claimed that Aoyama had raped him and he was sent into therapy to help him cope with the ordeal. Later that same year the tree committed suicide after continually being haunted by nightmares of the sexual attack.

**(Points to the other photo)**

In this one Aoyama is clearly lying on his back naked in front of this young apple tree, who at the time was only nine years old and was later taken from Aoyama by the authorities and placed in the care of a couple of trees residing in Sherwood Forest. She is now doing well in her new home. After these reports were made sixteen other trees reported that Aoyama had sexually harassed them over the years since 1991.

**SHINA**- These poor trees are now all being taken care of but we need you're help to save the many other trees that have suffered at the hands of the gay tree hugger Aoyama.

**NANA**- All it takes is small generous dounations to the 'Save the abused trees' or STAT for short, please, we need you're help. Do not allow these mighty and beautiful trees to suffer any longer, we must put a stop to Aoyama and his evil ways as soon as possible.

**SHINA**- If you love these cute trees like we do, you would want to give all the money you can to save them from cruelty.

**NANA**- Its simple and quick to save our planet's beloved trees, just take out all you're money, stick it into a envelope and send it to 'STAT INC' at 'twentyfour Silver Hill road Hastings'

**SHINA**- Please, we're not asking for much, so please only you can say when the abuse to trees stop. Thank you.

**NANA**- _Please note the following, money may or may not go to the imaginary STAT company and will most likely be spent on funding the 'BUY NANA SOME BEER!' campain. If you want to send you're money to that stick it in a black envelope and write in blood 'NANA IS GREAT' and just place it in your nearest postbox and I will at sometime come and collect it._


	9. Chapter 9

**SHINA**- Hello and welcome back! I love you all so much, teehee!. Now sadly onee-chan is um…** (Glances up at the ceiling)** not here tonight, but do not worry because we can still have as much fun without her! So because I am in charge while onee-chan is away I've decided to check the letters first!

**(Reads a letter)** Oh, this one is from our dear friend Tomoyo Kinomoto! Thank you very much for writing in! Ok! Time to read the letter! _'Shina! I'm bored! I dare you to get Nana on a sugar high and take pictures! evil grin'_

Oh well… you see the thing is… that um… well, I'll be honest I had to do a science project for school and I didn't know what to do so… I sort of decided to see the effects of sugar on onee-chan… and she actually is here…

**(Points upwards)**

**NANA**- **(Standing upside down on the ceiling, twitching uncontrollably)** _I'm a Barbie girl! In a Barbie woooooorrrllld! Life in plastic, its fantastic! You can brush my hair, undress me everywwhhheerree! Imagination! Life is your creation!_

**SHINA**- Onee-chan how did you even get all the way up there?

**NANA**- THE MUSIC MAN HELPED ME!!

**SHINA**- Onee-chan if you come down I'll give you some beer…

**NANA**- MUHA! But you have no beer the monkeys told me so!

**SHINA**- But please come down onee-chan!

**NANA**- Would anyone like a bigger penis?! Where do you want it?! I could recommend some new places!

**SHINA**-… **...**

**NANA**- Time for a sing a long!

_Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis?  
Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong?  
It's swell to have a stiffy.  
It's divine to own a dick,  
From the tiniest little tadger  
To the world's biggest prick.  
So, three cheers for your Willy or John Thomas.  
Hooray for your one-eyed trouser snake,  
Your piece of pork, your wife's best friend,  
Your Percy, or your cock.  
You can wrap it up in ribbons.  
You can slip it in your sock,  
But don't take it out in public,  
Or they will stick you in the dock,  
And you won't come back._

**SHINA**- Will you stop talking about the male member and come down already?!

**NANA**- But I love willies!

**SHINA**- You're digusting!

**NANA**- The one who degusting first is the true dirty one!

**SHINA**- Onee-chan come down!

**NANA**- No! No! if I come down them evil bunnies will get me!** (Points to the audience of fan girls)**

**SHINA**- … GET DOWN HERE NOW!

**NANA**- Okay-doky! I'll come down and kill all the bunnies! **(Jumps down holding an axe) **Die you evil bunnies! Die evil duckies! All shall die! **(starts chopping up the fan girls and blood sprays everywhere)**

**SHINA**- **(Blood splatters in her faces)** Ew, this is so messy (**wipes face)**

**NANA**- **(singing)**

_Chop-to-death demon, spraying blood everywhere!_

_Chop-to-death demon, I'll make you bleed from the heart!_

_I'll step on you, tie you up, beat you up, kick you, be a cock tease, and hang you_

_Chop-to-death demon, I'll chop you with my axe!_

_Chop-to-death demon, blood stained all over!I'll cut you, punch you, toy with you, stab you, leave you out in the cold, drip stuff on you!_

_But that's just how I express my love!_

**SHINA**- Please do not sing your own version of the 'Club-to-death angel, Dokuro-chan' opening song…

**NANA**- JOY TO THE WORLD! I HAVE AN AXE! TIME TO CHOP THINGS UP!

**SHINA**- … Wow with all this blood flying everywhere its like its raining…

**NANA**-_ I'm singing in the rain!_

_I'm just singing in the rain!_

_Oh what a glorious feeling!_

_Those big willies I must gain!_

**SHINA**- **(Also starts singing)**

_Onee-chan stop being such a pain_

_This isn't a fun game_

_So stop singing in the rain_

_I think I'm going insane_

_Er, I'm running out of words that sound like rain_

**NANA**- _Then I'll just dance down the lane!_

_Hey! There's Goggle with a cane!_

**SHINA**- GOGGLIES?!

**NANA**- _Yes, Goggle is dancing in the rain! And he's dancing with a cane!_

**SHINA**- GOGGLE-CHAN! **(Runs out of the studio and down the lane)**

**GOGGLE**- Oh holy fuck! _Its time to run in the rain!_ **(Runs away)**

**SHINA**- GOGGLE-CHAN WHERE ARE YOU GOING?! COME BACK! I WANNA TAKE YOU HOME!!

**NANA**-

_I like Chinese.  
I like Chinese.  
They come from a long way overseas,  
But they're cute and they're cuddly, and they're ready to please_

**SHINA**- Onee-chan please stop the singing now…

**NANA**- …_ This is the song that never ends_-

**SHINA**- I SAID SHUT IT YOU FUCKING BTICH!** (Gets out a meat cleaver)**

**NANA**- Whoa stressy!

**SHINA**- Onee-chan you are impossible!

**NANA**- Yup!

**SHINA**- Now who the hell were we meant to be intervewing…? Hmm **(checks list)** Oh yes! It was Deep Blue! Heehee! So everyone please welcome him!

**(Nothing happens)**

**SHINA**- Huh? where is he?

**NANA**- That's what you get when you invite the bad guy, never shows up on time.

**SHINA**- Oh, that's sad…

**NANA**- **(Stares blankly)** … It's amazing how fast you can change between insane and good Shina…

**SHINA**- **(Nods)** Hmm, and you seem to be calming down onee-chan, do you feel better?

**NANA**- I still wanna sing

**SHINA**- Ok we can sing to past the time!

**NANA**- _I laid an egg_

**SHINA**- _I laid an egg_

**NANA**- _It was brown and spotty_

**SHINA**- _Whoa oh_

**NANA**- _I laid it on the potty_

**SHINA**- _Oh, oh_

**NANA**- _Any egg will do_

**SHINA**- _Any egg will do_

**NANA**- _It smelled so rotten_

**SHINA**- _It smelled so rotten_

**NANA**- _But I have forgotten_

**SHINA**- _Whoa oh_

**NANA**- _What I named it_

**SHINA**- _Oh, oh_

**NANA**- _oh yes, it was Fred_

**NANA AND SHINA**- _Oh yes, it was Fred_

**NANA**- _Oh yes, any egg will do_

**SHINA**- … You have a lovely singing voice onee-chan

**NANA**- Not too bad yourself there

**(Deep Blue walks in)**

**DEEP BLUE**- Sorry I'm late I was applying my make up

**NANA**-… Yup, nothing says evil like girly eyeliner…

**SHINA**- Hmm, interesting…

**DEEP BLUE**- So what do you want to talk about?

**SHINA**- Were you born as a girl? Really it's ok to tell us, we'll understand.

**DEEP BLUE**- Certainly not! I'm offended!

**NANA**- You look like a girl, sound like a girl and you're voiced in the anime, by a girl…

**DEEP BLUE**- Well I think you are a foul-mouthed little urchin!

**NANA**- … You know I never knew you were such a freak… and this letter said we could be friends… **(Takes out a letter)** _How bout Deep Blue? I'm sure he and Nana would get along well!! - It'd be very VERY VERY violent though..._

Do I look like the sort of person who hangs around self obsessed, insane and stupid transsexuals?

**SHINA**- Um so Deep blue, why do you appear as a cute little ball of light?

**DEEP BLUE**- I it was so I could hide my real identity from the aliens

**NANA**- What the fact that you're Aoyama? Weeeeeerrrriiiiiiiiidddddd

**SHINA**- Yes, why are you a part of Aoymama?

**DEEP BLUE**- Its called irony, Aoyama loves the Earth-

**NANA**- A little too much if you ask me, raping those trees was nasty!

**DEEP BLUE**- like I was saying before I was rudely interrupted, Aoyama loves the Earth and I wish to destroy it and build a new world in its place

**SHINA**- Would this new world you dreamed of be full of girly looking men too?

**DEEP BLUE**- (**Glares at Shina)** Why does everyone call me 'girly'? I am the prefect example of a strong, beautiful and magnificent man.

**SHINA**- And onee-chan believes that she is the king of Spain when she is drunk, but that doesn't make it so. You know if you really wanted to keep your identity a secret then you should have worn some spy cloths.

**DEEP BLUE**- What?

**(Nana and Shina wear long brown coats, a hat, a fake moustache and sunglasses)**

**SHINA**- See? We're incognito

**NANA**- And nobody will never know just because we're wearing some weird cloths and fake facial hair! And I shall point out that how you were defeated by attack of the bubbles…

**DEEP BLUE**- What are you talking about?

**SHINA**- Well, if you watch the anime it shows Ichigo-chan's attack as pink bubbles…

**NANA**- Now that I think of it, that's crazier than Pudding and Tart's weapons…

**SOL**- Hi everybody!

**NANA**- Hey

**DEEP BLUE**- Who and who might this young lady be?

**SHINA**- She's Sol-chan, she's another one of Cybil's creations and she appeared her Hills have eyes fanfics

**SOL**- Shhh, I told you my name is Luna!

**NANA**- Sol, Luna was your little sister, she's dead. Get over it.

**SOL**- No! I'm Luna my big sister just went away silly!

**SHINA**- Sol-chan, you're insane…

**SOL**- That could be a possibility!

**NANA**- Hey do us a favour and piss off. **(Throws a ball of fire at Sol)**

**(Sol runs away screaming)**

**SHINA**- Bye, bye! And please say hello to Goggle-chan for me! … You know Deep Blue, even though Goggle-chan is a deformed cannibalistic mutant, compared to you he's the sweetest thing in the world!

**NANA**- You have something deeply wrong with you…

**SHINA**- What's wrong?

**NANA**- What is it with you and Goggle?

**SHINA**- Goggle-chan is soooooo adorably cute! I just wanna take him home and hug him all day long!

**NANA**- … Yes, we know that… but why like a character that died in such a stupid way and had an incredibly small part in the movie?

**SHINA**- Goggle-chan is cute!

**NANA**- … Carrying on, hey Blue-Bastard why did you have to kill our beloved Kish?

**DEEP BLUE**- I told you never to call me that again

**NANA**- Do I look like I give a shit about what you say?

**DEEP BLUE**- … I hate you with the burning of a thousand desert suns

**NANA**- Yippee for you… I'm sleepy **(Rubs eyes and yawns)**

**SHINA**- But Deep Blue why did you have to kill Kishie-chan?

**DEEP BLUE**- He was trying to stop my world domination!

**NANA**- Look the only one who's gonna take over the world is me! … and maybe Shina **(Yawns again)**

**SHINA**- Yes, onee-chan and I shall one day rule the world, and I will have all the cute things I could ever want **(Muters to herself and her face turns dark)** That will show those bastards that made me suffer! I am not a monster! And I shall have respect when I rip they're eyes out and slowly cut them open and pull out the intestines and then force them down they're own throats! **(Goes back to normal)** Opps did I say that outloud? Heehee…

**NANA**- Yeah you did…

**SHINA**- Well I shall muder them and I will use their children's organs to feed animals! **(Mutters to herself)** And then all the cute animals will be happy…

**(Deep Blue and Nana stare blankly at Shina)**

**SHINA**- Whoops… I said the quiet part loud and the loud part quiet… Um, Teeheehee…

**NANA**- You know doing an impression of Misha from Pita ten with all the 'teeheehees' won't make what you just said any better…

**SHINA**- Hee, Um, well I'm am very sorry. Please forgive me!

**NANA**- Look, we all know you're just as violent as me so why do you even try to hide it?

**SHINA**- But I love cute and fun things! And killing innocence is absolutely not nice!

**NANA**- …Whatever, I might not be nice but it sure is fun!

**SHINA**- Hauuu, but onee-chan that's mean!

**NANA**- You're weird…

**SHINA**- But I love finding cute and fun things and it always, at anytime makes me smile and I like to cherish kindness sincerely

**NANA**- Well good for you… Hey… where did Blue-Bastard go?! **(Looks around to find that Deep blue disappeared)**

**SHINA**- Oh, maybe we were upsetting him I want to cheer him up now…

**NANA**- Why…? (**Yawns again)** Whoa I'm tired…

**SHINA**- Well we always should be kind to others if we want them to be kind to us in return.

**NANA**- That's nice… **(Falls asleep)** … … …

**SHINA**- Oh, um… Onee-chan? **(Pokes Nana)** Its time to wake up!

**(Nothing happens)**

**SHINA**- **(Places a blanket over Nana and pats her on the head)** Night, night onee-chan. Time for me to find Goggle-chan! He'll never know it's me wearing these cloths! **(Sneaks off)**


End file.
